The 'Friendship' That Isn't: How Online Companionship Scams Work

A Scam That Doesn't Feel Like One

Most of the scams we cover involve fear — a threatening phone call, an urgent deadline, a frightening warning. This one is different, and in some ways harder to spot, because it doesn't feel threatening at all. It feels like being cared about.

TSB has recently warned that criminals are deliberately targeting older people online by building what feels like a genuine friendship or romantic relationship — sometimes over many weeks or months — before eventually asking for money. According to the bank's figures, victims of this kind of impersonation fraud lose an average of more than £3,100 per case, and in one particularly striking example, a customer in their late sixties sent money on 60 separate occasions across a four-year period.

How It Usually Unfolds

The first contact. A message arrives — on Facebook, a dating site, or even just a text to a wrong number that turns into a conversation. The person is warm, attentive, and easy to talk to.

1. The relationship builds. Over weeks or months, regular messages or calls create a real sense of connection and trust. This isn't rushed — the patience is deliberate.

2. A reason they can't meet in person. They may claim to work abroad, be in the military, or be travelling for work — always with a plausible reason why a video call or meeting isn't quite possible yet.

3. A problem arises. Eventually, a crisis appears — a medical bill, a stuck shipment, a visa fee, a family emergency — and they ask for financial help, often framed as a temporary loan.

4. It continues. Once a payment is made, further requests often follow, sometimes for years, as in the case TSB highlighted.

Why This Is So Effective

This scam works because it targets something universally human — the wish for company and connection — rather than fear or panic. Age UK's charity director, Caroline Abrahams, has described it as an especially insidious type of fraud precisely because it exploits loneliness and bereavement, and because falling victim can damage far more than finances: trust, wellbeing, and confidence can all suffer alongside the money.

If this happens to someone you love, or if it's happened to you, the important thing to hold onto is that this isn't a reflection of gullibility. These relationships are built by people who do this full-time and have refined the approach over many attempts.

Warning Signs To Watch For

• They profess strong feelings unusually quickly, before you've had much real back-and-forth.

• They always have a reason they can't video call or meet in person.

• Their photos look professional or 'too perfect' — worth a reverse image search (see our Monday tutorial post) to check where else that picture appears online.

• Money comes up — even framed gently, as a loan, a gift, or 'just this once.'

• They discourage you from mentioning the relationship to family or friends.

What To Do

• Never send money, gift cards, or financial details to someone you haven't met in person, however long you've been talking.

• Talk to a family member or friend about the relationship — a scammer's biggest advantage is secrecy.

• If you suspect a scam, stop responding and report it to Action Fraud on 0300 123 2040.

• If you've already sent money, contact your bank immediately — the sooner you report it, the better the chance of limiting further loss.

Genuine Connection Is Still Out There

None of this means avoiding people online altogether — connection matters, especially for anyone who's lost a partner or feels isolated. But it's worth knowing that safe, no-strings options exist: Age UK runs a free weekly Friendship Line service, matching volunteers with people for a regular phone catch-up, with no cost and nothing ever asked for in return.

Real friendship doesn't come with a bill attached. If a relationship — online or otherwise — starts to, that's the moment to pause and ask someone you trust what they think.

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